If you’re a mom of an autistic child who needs practice to better learn how to play with others, try arranging play dates. Here are five tips to help your autistic child learn to play.
Our tips range from inviting kids to play dates who are Read more
Are you a mom who struggles with helping your special needs child better fit in at school?
First, you’re not alone and you’re in Read more
Here at The Social Express, we usually share ideas for helping your special needs child to improve his skills for making friends. You’ll find our recent posts with suggestions for basic ways to help your child control his emotions here, make eye contact here and do better at following the rules, here. Read more
Award ceremony in San Francisco on March 20th will celebrate the year’s best in kids’ digital media products designed to educate and engage
ENCINITAS, CA —March 20, 2014-– The Social Express has received a 2014 ON for Learning Award from Common Sense Media, the national nonprofit dedicated to helping kids thrive with media and technology. The Social Express is one of just 55 apps, games and websites to be recognized for Read more
Use pictures to help your child to understand idioms used in conversations like, “piece of cake”.
Does your child have difficulty understanding idioms? Idioms are commonly used phrases that say one thing but mean something completely different. Like “spill the beans”, “piece of cake” or “it’s raining cats and dogs”.
All age groups use idioms and it’s important that your child Read more
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]You may be wondering where to begin when it comes to teaching your child how to start conversations. Here are a couple of great tips to help you: breaking the skill of starting conversations into three basic steps and video recording your role-play session with your child.
Maybe, like me, once you realized your child needed help practicing social skills, and starting conversations you may think, this is a tough problem to teach!
For parents, starting and having conversations is such a basic, ingrained activity. How do you explain starting conversations in a way it that your child will understand? Here are some ideas.
I like the way teaching how to start conversations is explained by Kerry Mehaffey Mataya, M.Ed. on this website. She boils the entire social skill—starting conversations—down to three brilliantly simple basics:
1. Asking questions
2. Telling stories
3. Making comments
She reminds us that a balance of these three components is the fluid that makes good conversations start and flow.
Asking questions. When practicing the asking questions step, remind your child to use the “w” words like who, what, when, where, and why (also, how). Explain how follow up questions are used to show the other kids that he’s interested in what they’re saying.
Telling stories. Practice with your child to help him think about the kinds of things he can tell a story about. For example, a family trip to the zoo, a movie he really liked or other fun event. Be watchful for your child’s tendency to tell stories that are too long.
Making comments. Talk to him about how to use good comments during conversations. Brainstorm with your child the words or phrases that he can easily use to make appropriate comments during conversations. Demonstrate for him how a comment made at the wrong time in a conversation can sound like he’s not interested in the other kid’s story. Or can make it seem that he’s not listening.
Video role-plays. Record your role-play sessions using a video camera. Your child may respond well to watching a video of him and you practicing having conversations. This way you can easily point out skills he is doing well, and those that he needs to practice. As long as you use lots of positive feedback, this could work quite well.
Always, give praise and positive feedback. According to Anxiety BC website, it’s best when role playing with your child to immediately afterwards, give lots of praise about what your child did well. Look hard to find any small, yet noticeable, signs of improvement. For example:
“Well done! You smiled and looked me in the eye when you asked me the question. You looked very friendly!”
You can download the Anxiety BC document here at their website.
Be sure to check out the helpful handout, “Conversation Basics”, created by Kerry Mehaffey Mataya, you can find her handout and download it here.
I wish you and your child many great role-play sessions on starting conversations!
–Marc
Dad, Developer
If you’re looking to help your child learn social skills, our online engaging animated program may benefit your child. Parents tell us that kids love the Hollywood style animation and characters and actually ask to use The Social Express!
To see how it works, click here. Click here to try our 10-day, no risk trial.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Characters Zack and Sam demonstrate how to control your emotions.
As a parent, you likely cringe when your child is playing with others and seems to easily lose control of his emotions over a small disagreement. I know I do.
We found some creative ideas to help when you’re talking with your child about how to Read more
Making eye contact in conversations is a top social skill you can help your child to learn.
Is making eye contact with other kids a problem for your child? You can help! Use simple ways to teach your child to make eye contact like asking him to look into your eyes when he requests a toy or treat, tape visual aids to your forehead and break the instructions into small steps.
We know that an inability to make eye contact during a conversation is a social deficit. It may be a barrier to your child’s success at making friends.
Take heart if this is a problem for your child. You’re not alone. Making eye contact is a basic social skill that leads to positive social interaction with others. Many children just need help grasping the skill of eye contact when speaking with others.
With our 12-year-old twins, my wife and I are very consistent about reinforcing eye contact. Since the boys were small, we’ve always insisted that they look us in our eyes when they ask for a toy or treat. We don’t hand it to them until they make eye contact. Then we PRAISE them every time. Try this with your child. I even make a game out of it!
Research finds that children with social skill learning challenges often require ‘direct instruction’. That means that each part of the skill is broken into smaller pieces. Making eye contact during conversations is no different.
Parenting Science website writes that for kids to get better at making friends certain skills are required that you can easily practice with your child. They also remind us that these life skills (or social skills) are not taught in one day, but over time. So we’ll all need a bit more patience…
Teaching your child the kinds of interpersonal skills that make it easier for him to make friends.
Identify the skills that you can practice with your child. Life skills such as participating in conversations and making eye contact are at the top of the list for me!
“Look in my eyes.” Make sure your child establishes eye contact when he asks for something. By doing this, you’re teaching him the critical link between communication and focus. If he wants a toy say, “Look in my eyes” so that he better understands the relationship between his request and your ability to fulfill it.
Here are more ideas for practicing eye contact with your child.
Use visual aids. Tape cutouts of eyeballs on your forehead when practicing with your child. This will remind him to look at yours and other peoples’ eyes. It reinforces what eye contact is. Experiment with other aids to gently guide your child to look at your eyes. Try colored stickers placed between your eyebrows.
Apply direct instruction. Break down the rules for making eye contact into simple, age-appropriate steps for your child. For example, explaining how to use eye contact during a conversation might go something like this:
1. We always look into the eyes of the person who is talking.
2. Keep looking into the other kid’s eyes until he is finished talking.
3. If you don’t want to look into someone’s eyes, try looking at their forehead.
4. This is polite and a good thing!
5. When it’s your turn to talk, the other kids will look at you!
More small steps to help your child:
• Don’t look down at the ground when one of the kids is talking.
• Look at the eyes of the kid who is talking.
• Looking at his eyes lets him know that you’re listening.
• The other kids will feel good because you’re looking at them while they talk.
• Looking in the other kids eyes means you are interested in what he’s saying.
Praise big! PBS Therapy recommends that you reinforce your child’s positive behavior up to 25 times per day. Tell your child “I like how you look in my eyes when I’m talking to you!” Find more ways to give your child positive feedback!
Great Story About Teaching Eye Contact
Over on Baby Center Blog there’s a great story about a mom helping her daughter make eye contact. The mom realized her 9-year-old daughter, Violet, never looked other kids in the eye while playing or talking with them. It was one of the reasons her daughter was being ignored at school.
The mom reminded Violet every day about eye contact while they were walking to school and other kids said hello. Her daughter really didn’t like the reminders and complained (loudly) about being reminded.
Then Violet finally got it. Now she always makes eye contact and is forming friendships! The mom was so happy she cried! It’s a great short story about a mom’s persistence and her child’s success at making friends. You can read the full article here.
I wish you all the best with teaching your child about making eye contact! Your time will be well spent!
—Marc
Dad, Developer
If you’re looking to help your child learn social skills, our online engaging animated program may benefit your child. Parents tell us that kids love the Hollywood style animation and characters and actually ask to use The Social Express!
To see how it works, click here. Click here to try our 10-day, no risk trial.
The Social Express helps kids learn social skills with characters like Zack and Sam.
As a parent, it is heart wrenching if your child struggles socially and having difficulty making friends at school or on the playground. You want to immediately solve the problem. You may want to rush to talk to the school, the other children and anyone else who can help.
You instinctually want to help your child to be included and not feel left out.
You wish you knew the exact reasons for your child’s inability to form social relationships. After all, making friends with his classmates is a crucial life skill!
I’m a dad of twins who struggle socially and I’ve been in your shoes. You may feel helpless and not know where to start, once you realize your child is having difficulty making friends with his peers.
Based on my experiences, here are some steps you can take and begin to help your child to overcome his social skills struggles.
1. Uncover the specific barriers getting in the way of your child making friends. Paint a complete picture of exactly what’s causing your child to struggle socially.
The best way to help him is to first do your homework and identify his specific social deficits. Consider who else can give you firsthand observations about your child’s attempts to make friends.
Other adults who work with your child at school or in after school activities are often in a better position than you to pinpoint problems. They observe your child’s experiences in social situations with other kids.
When I asked my boys’ teacher about their ability to interact socially with the other children what I heard was “your boys typically play by themselves and not with the group”
2. Talk with your child about the problem. Ask easy questions to uncover exactly what’s bothering him. Find out how he feels. Ask him to tell you about the things taking place during recess and other peer group interaction activities, like sports or birthday parties. Gently get him to tell you the whole story. Allow several days, or longer, to get to the bottom of his feelings. Carefully pull out from him the details of his inability to interact socially with his peers. You may not be able to uncover your child’s social deficits overnight. Be patient with him and with yourself.
3. Develop and maintain a close working relationship with your child’s teacher. I always view my children’s teachers as members of “my team”. It’s in the best interest of your child if you work with his teacher as a partner in your child’s development. That way, when you’re in need of help, the door will be open for you.
Talk with your child’s teacher about his social challenges. Make sure she knows you’re open to hearing any kind of feedback that will help your child. Tell her that you’ve noticed that your child’s inability to make friends is impacting him outside of school.
4. Get input from other adults who interact with your child. Keep an open mind and have the same conversation with other adults who work with your child. Talk with coaches, family members, counselors, therapists and others who observe your child interacting in groups with other children. Obtain as much feedback as you can from the other adults who observe your child regularly.
Emma is an animated character who helps user learn social skills lessons.
5. Clarify your child’s social deficits. Then work on them one at a time. He might have difficulty making and keeping eye contact, comfortably joining a group of kids playing, starting a conversation with his peers or staying on topic. Other social skill deficits could be staying with the group or choosing appropriate coping strategies. Using effective eye contact and good conversation skills are common social deficits for kids.
6. Prepare a social skills lesson plan. Put together what you’ve learned from your conversations. Your child’s social skills lesson plan is similar to the IEP you may have for your child’s reading, math or science skills. (An IEP is an Individualized Education Plan.) List the type of social skills interactions you’d like him to improve or develop from scratch. For my wife and I, one of the ones we’re currently working on with the boys is to say, “hi” or “good morning” to their Safety Patrol peers.
Finding Effective Social Skills Lessons
I initially learned about the importance of social skills lessons when our twin sons began mainstream kindergarten. (You can read how we accomplished mainstreaming here.)
This was before apps and interactive learning programs were widely available. I searched everywhere for an online, interactive social skills learning program. There were none at the time. That’s what led me to develop The Social Express. (But that’s another story.)
7. Point out good social skills modeling behaviors to your child. Explain to your child good examples of social skills in action by other kids his age. Here’s one way to start the social skills conversation with him, “That was nice that Jennifer asked Billy about his trip to the zoo. What do you think about asking Billy which animals he liked best?” And, of course, PRAISE him in a big way for any good social skills action he takes!
I believe you should work with your child as much as possible when it comes to improving his social skills. We all know that having friends is huge! At any age, but it’s especially important for school age children to make friends. I wish you the best of luck in your project to help your child to improve his ability to make friends.
–Marc
If you’re looking to help your child learn social skills, our online engaging animated program may benefit your child. Parents tell us that kids love the Hollywood style animation and characters and actually ask to use The Social Express!
To see how The Social Express works, click here.
If you’d like to try our 10-day, no risk trial, click here.
As a dad of 11-year-old twin boys, I like to consider the latest thinking on the topic of parenting by reviewing current research and blogs of other parents. A key topic for me is social skills lessons. One of the best things about the explosion of millions of people posting content on the Internet is that you can easily find fresh ideas or approaches for a problem.
Helping my children with social skills lessons is a constant area of focus for my wife and me. I’m sharing with you approaches that have worked for us. We believe that understanding and following the rules at home is the first step to our twins’ success at school and in other social situations.
Here is my list of 7 steps to take to help your child learn to follow the rules.
1. Create the rules together with your child. According to Lacie Rader, teacher, author and mom, you should involve your child in the setting of rules. Sit down with a paper and pen and talk to your child about setting rules. Rader believes that your child will find ownership, especially if she or he is able to suggest and help create the rules. Rader says,
“Rather than the rules coming from Mommy, minute by minute throughout the day… this is a list, it’s consistent and best of all, the enemy is the list (not you)!”
2. Have both consequences and rewards in place. In our family we mean what say and we say what we mean. Six months ago, one of our twins belched at dinner and didn’t say excuse me, his consequence was no desert. He was mad and protested but my wife and I still kept to our rule. He hasn’t forgot to say excuse me again since. When our twins follow the rules they are rewarded in multiple ways usually verbally and sometimes with a preferred activity.
3. Use a gentle and sensitive tone to explain the rules to your child. Your home is not a boot camp and you are not a drill sergeant. The Family Share website reminds us that using orders, forcing or threats may drive your child in the wrong direction. They will be act out of fear. By being sensitive when reminding and reinforcing the rules, your child learns to make the choice to follow the rule for the right reasons.
4. Every child must follow the same rules. If you have more than one child, like us, you probably find that the sanest approach—for you and your kids—is to apply the same rules equally. There’s plenty of time when they grow up to discover that the world isn’t (really) a fair place. Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.
5. Hold practice sessions about following the rules in the safe environment of home. Explain to your child how to follow the rules at school when he is interacting in groups with other kids. For example, explain to your child how to approach a group of kids playing together. Explain to your child in detail, the steps to follow when he wants to join a group of kids playing together. Role-play with your child. First, explain each step:
1) Wait for a good time to join the game. Like when there’s a break or the ball rolls away.
2) Smile at the kids and make eye contact.
3) Say something positive: you guys look like you’re having fun!
4) Then ask—while still smiling—may I join you?
5) Last, discuss what to do next if the kids say “no”.
6. Consistently on teach table manners. This one may or may not help them improve their social skills deficits with other kids but it’s still a big one. Work to reinforce the basics: Not jumping to eat before others are served, placing the napkin in their lap and using forks and knives correctly.
7. Discourage food-criticizing behavior. This is a key social skill learning they’ll need as adults! The blog at Today’s Parent has a great suggestion they quoted from parenting coach Lisa Bunnage:
“The other thing kids this age have in common is complaining about the meal they’re served. “I suggest parents say, ‘OK, start cooking for yourself. But the rules are that your meal has to be healthy and you have to leave the kitchen spotless,’” says Bunnage. “Either they’ll try it once and decide mom’s food tastes great, or they end up loving to cook and clean and become the family chef.”
If you have other suggestions for helping your child follow the rules, please let us know below in the comments. We’d also like to hear what doesn’t work when teaching your child social skills.
–Marc
Dad and Developer
If you’re looking to help your child learn social skills, our online engaging animated program may benefit your child. Parents tell us that kids love the Hollywood style animation and characters and actually ask to use The Social Express!
To see how The Social Express works, click here.
If you’d like to try our 10-day, no risk trial, click here.
